


Our Lady of Preservation and Perfidy

by The_Exile



Category: Hyperdimension Neptunia
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Community: ladiesbingo, Gen, In-Jokes, Mild Language, Secret Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-20
Updated: 2020-10-20
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:00:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27118552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Exile/pseuds/The_Exile
Summary: Falcom needs to ask something of the benevolent side of Arfoire's nature but the Pirate Goddess is all of herself, all the time.
Relationships: Arfoire & Falcom
Collections: Ladies Bingo 2020





	Our Lady of Preservation and Perfidy

**Author's Note:**

> for ladiesbingo fill '9.10 Anthropomorphic Personifications of Abstract Concepts'
> 
> References are to the (very much appreciated) fan translations of ao and zero, and also the amusing incident where someone tried to plagiarise the Game Over tune of Ys as a menu theme for a dating sim.

"If you're here to hunt me for a quest, I'll pay you double whatever they're paying to go away and leave me in peace," she sighed, inspecting her long purple fingernails in a way that made it clear how much more important painting them perfectly was than confronting her would-be opponent.

"What if I just want your head on a spike because you're a menace to society?" the red-headed adventurer drawled, brandishing her soundsystem.

"I could make you some clones of me so you can behead them if you want?" she cackled, "Anyway, you're as predictable as a cat in heat, you're not even playing battle music on that and you're dressed in that particular costume. We both know you're not really here to fight."

"You know what this represents, then?"

"Two weeks ago, half of your devotees didn't know what the hell you were dressed as, because your ass was too stingy to let them know properly. You rubbed it in their faces constantly anyway," the pale Goddess yawned and stretched, "Want some coffee?"

"Is it real coffee?"

"Define 'real'," Arfoire laughed again, "Anyway, I thought I'd give you a helping hand for free and now everyone knows who you're dressed as. Now, you're nice and reasonable, not like that fucking psycho Neptune, so I assume you're here to thank me."

"In big trouble with Neptune again?" Falcom cackled.

"Its like she hates any action that leads to her legacy being preserved when she inevitably kicks the bucket tomorrow."

"See, that's the part of you that I want to talk to," said Falcom, helping herself to a seat and sprawling on it backwards, arms folded over the back, "The part that preserves the lost, even when our Empires fall into ruins. The part that cares whether things reach the far corners of this world that I haven't explored yet. Not the foul-mouthed kleptomaniac obsessed with making cheap clones of everything."

"We're part and parcel of the same deity, I'm afraid," Arfoire replied, pouring herself a coffee. Falcom was surprised how delicious it smelled. Maybe she was just craving caffeine after a long, arduous adventure through the Pirate Goddess' realm. If Arfoire cared that half her minions had been slaughtered because Falcom thought it was a natural-feeling, efficient grinding area, she didn't seem to care, "A Goddess who has a real personality and isn't just an embodiment of whatever concept they're a Goddess of is so much more personable, don't you? I see you looking at the coffee, by the way. Coffee's gone up to three thousand credits and its only compatible with dragons. See how you like it when its done back to you? SEE?"

Falcom sighed, doing her best to just let Arfoire's screeched outburst go over her head. The lady's probably fused cheap knock-off cybernetic implants to her brain for fun again, she reminded herself, its nothing personal.

"Look," she said, "What do you want in return for a favour?"

"Depends what you're asking me for," the Goddess rubbed her hands together eagerly. 

"Just a bit of information."

"I'm not ratting out my clients or my sources."

"I just want to know," she coughed, "Does... does 'So Much For Today' really work well for a romantic atmosphere?"


End file.
